Life has a curious way of entangling us in the dance of pain and suffering. For the longest time, I believed that they were inseparable companions, intertwined in a twisted embrace. It seemed that suffering was the inevitable outcome, a sign that I was learning life's lessons.
And I, so often chose the path with the most suffering attached!
It's not that there's anything wrong with feeling the emotions of sadness, regret, frustration, guilt, or anger. What creates so much more suffering is not acknowledging what's really going on for you or allowing your mind to rule and take you down a deep rabbit hole of emotions
The Seductive Web:
Once upon a time, a music mentor and dear friend began showing signs of attraction. Despite his marriage and our shared dreams, I had never thought of him in a romantic light. But as the spark ignited, my ego reveled in the glory. The allure of a partner to create music with was irresistible, and I lost sight of the present moment.
Being highly empathic, I willingly stepped into his reality, intertwining our paths and indulging in a drama-filled connection. Unrequited lust and longing became the currency of my existence, accompanied by guilt, trauma, disconnection, and profound disappointment. The depths of my suffering seemed boundless, leaving scars that lingered for years.
The Addiction to Suffering:
Little did I realize that my addiction to pain and suffering extended far beyond just this experience.
It lived in every corner of my existence. I made choices that resulted in lost connections, friendships, and personal honor. I wrote my car off and hurt my body. I found myself in a constant cycle of sacrifice, abandoning my career and losing my sense of self within the confines of a consciousness group.
The extent of my addiction became clearer than ever before.
Breaking the Patterns:
To break free from the shackles of that kind of suffering, I embarked on a profound journey of self-commitment and inner work. I confronted every aspect of myself—the good, the bad, and the ugly. The blame, shame, and guilt that had entangled me for so long had to be unraveled. I continue on that journey.
Tools for Easing Suffering:
1. Acknowledge Your Pain: Instead of burying or ignoring the pain, allow yourself to feel it.
Embrace all the aspects and quirks of you and nurture a caring relationship with yourself.
Recognise that acknowledging your pain is not a sign of weakness. It is essential on this healing journey.
2. The Power of 3 - Bringing it back to Me: Embrace the gift of presence and remember that everything is temporary. When you remain present, you can transcend the overwhelming emotions and uncover your true self. This pathway provides clarity and relief, guiding you through the storm.
3. Ask Yourself Questions: In moments of presence and calm, ask yourself profound questions. Who are you truly being? Are your beliefs unquestionably true? Are you projecting thoughts, feelings, and emotions onto others? By delving into these inquiries, you gain awareness, alleviate confusion, and can release resentment and judgment. Don’t think you have to get an immediate answer either, awareness will come.
4. Let Go of Control: Suffering can arise from a desire to control everything around you. Practice the art of letting go and finding peace amidst pain. Accept that life experiences and people may not always align with your expectations, and surrender to the flow of living that is easier.
5. Embrace Gratitude: It’s so powerful I have to mention it again. Cultivate gratitude as a powerful antidote to suffering. By shifting your focus to what you are grateful for—both externally and internally—you redirect your attention away from pain. Keep a gratitude journal, or reflect on what you are thankful for, especially for yourself, express appreciation to others, and witness the transformative effect it has on your life. (if expressing gratitude is a challenge begin simply, gratitude for breath, for a friend or partner, that you can read...)
6. Do Something Different: Break the repetitive cycle of suffering by engaging in action that uplifts and rejuvenates you. Move, sing, laugh, cry, write, yell to the sky, work out, talk to a friend and DON'T talk about your pain and suffering.
7. Surround Yourself With People Who Inspire and Lift You Up: In times of struggle and pain, it is crucial to have a support system consisting of individuals who won't perpetuate the cycle of suffering. Seek out those who radiate compassion, understanding, and inspire you. Whether it's a trusted friend, a caring family member, a therapist, or a community, you don't have to face the challenges alone. .
Pain is an inevitable part of the human experience. You do have the power to make choices that ease the suffering, it doesn't have to define your life. You can choose to acknowledge the pain, engage with the Power of 3, relinquish the need for control, cultivate gratitude, and surround yourself with people who inspire and uplift. By embracing these practices, suffering does not have to rule your life, you can find peace even amidst the most challenging of times.
I invite you to reflect on your own relationship with pain and suffering.
What have you learned from these experiences? How has your perspective evolved?
Share your insights and experiences, for our collective wisdom can illuminate the path towards a life with less suffering and greater peace. Creating a kinder world for all.
NB: If a 1:1 session or package will be a contribution please reach out. I have some magic deals happening right now! Contact info@delanydelaney.com or through FB Messenger for more info.